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atebigbird

SADNESS ON SESAME STREET

By Gary Jacobson


It was a strange thanksgiving holiday,
A sunny day, sweeping the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
On the main boulevard of Sesame Street
Where the main course was big bird
it was all rather absurd.

Down on the street there was a kind of hush,
while an around the world heard shot
made your blood run with a rush
cold then hot
like a hammer the heart did crush
insides like strawberry slush,
with great emptiness fraught,
To see Big Bird cooking in that pot.

Oh me oh my, I cry,
what did our friends from Sesame Street do?
Big Bird spread trussed up like a turkey
Set large on the table before you.
The street gathered for the feast ludicrously lurid
when the sesame street gang ate big bird.
sesOscar sesamebigbird
Oscar the Grouch growled, "Leave me alone,
Scat, take a hike, go away, shut up,
Don't need your do-gooding preachment.
That yellow feather duster put on airs so innocent
without relent."
My trash can constantly badmouthing
Big Bird just constantly annoying
All my best trash kept straightening
always looming, always patronizingly witty
threw away my best junk without pity.
Always sing-songing some fool ditty,
about a sunny day chasing clouds away.

"Big Bird was really quite insane.
spouting put-downs thru his beak with nasal twang
turning his yellow nose up at my garbage urbane,"
said Oscar The Grouch with a wink arcane,
"But we showed that big yellow tweet
Always struttin’ so sweet down the street
where the, "Action is..."
Oscar said, totally without guilt apparent.
"We did better than encasing him in cement,
in fact I think he looks rather succulent."

Slimy, Oscar's pet worm echoed, sesameySlimey
"Big Bird always lectured
with 'holier than thou' refrain,
to theSesame Street gang.
I tell you, with 'holier than thou' refrain."

sescookies
“It’s obvious to me, the reason for his demise,”
Cookiemonster said, “it’s no surprise.
Big bird was feathered, not respectably furred.
We grew tired of the ‘Big yellow Bird’ nerd
brought to you by the letter ‘B’
and the number ‘3’, see
how boring that can be?
I say the letter ‘B’ stands for Big Bird go away
And don’t dare come back some other day.”

Snuffeluffagus shuffled up to say,
“'Bird' threw me for a loop the other day.
I was playing hide and seek with ‘Bird.’
I said, ‘Bird’...
you will never find me,
no matter if you're fast as fast can be,
you'll never catch me...
'Cause I'm a lightning fast snuffeluffagus...
But Bird, he was just so, so ... disingenuous.
for you see, when it got dark in night cold
he left me embarrassed and just getting old.
Bird nowhere to be found,”
Snuffeluffagus sneered profound.
“Probably sitting home sleeping so sound,
comfortably warm in his nest I was told
without thought for an old friend shivering and cold.
So If I may be so bold
‘Birds’ friendship is old flash in the pan fools gold.”
elmo Felix the cat
"Hui-i-i-i," jumpin' Elmo to Felix did say
asking what happened here today.
"This is my door
I need to open my door...
but big Bird used to tease, wouldn't even say please.
You see, Big bird was kind of a sleaze...
He would nest in front of “My” door
saying of my door, "This is my door.”
Big Bird would fall asleep in front of the door,
and, and, and...it was my door...my door!
Big Bird made Elmo so mad Elmo would roar
but not any more...”
elmo

Ernie said, “I went to play with my stick
A walking cane could be my stick
A stick horse could be my stick
A conductor’s battan could be my stick
An English officer’s swagger stick could be my stick
A pool cue could be my stick
A baseball bat to bat a home run could be my stick
I like to play with my stick
Nothing in this world’s better than my stick,
Ernie pouted...
Then Big Bird built his nest with my stick
made me kinda sick...”

The teeny little super guy stood up
up out of a mistachio shaving cup
You can’t tell a hero by his size
Surprise, surprise,
tho he’s smaller than your thumb
tinier even than a crumb...
”My friend Robert W. Shipshape had a really good hat.
He had a really, really good hat.
They call him RW,
R for Robert,
And W because that’s the middle of his name.
Well sir, RW had a really good hat...
He had a really good hat...
But big Bird sat on RW Shipshape’s hat...
kersplat...
and that was that..."
sesBbert
Bert piped up from deep in the letter "B,"
Big Bird wanted me to wear a pot you see...
He said he broke the cookie bowl,
so he put the cookies into the flour bowl,
then he put the flour into the planter,
then he put the plants into the fish bowl,
he put the fish into my hat I wear to play cowboy,
when I asked what to do when I wanted to play cowboy,
he patted me on the back with his big yellow wing,
placed the pot on my head, and said,
“Ride ‘em cowboy.”
sesBbert
sesCount
Lightning flashed, and there stood “The Count,”
On his Countenance like a bat a leering pout.
I like to count the balls,
there's great big large balls,
there's medium sized balls,
and there's small, itty-bitty balls...
there’s one basketball,
two footballs,
three kickball’s,
four soccer balls,
five paddle balls,
six tennis balls,
seven golf balls
nine nerf balls...”
but as he said, “ten ping-pong ball balls,”
anilightning
Lightning flashed and thunder roared.
“Now,” said the Count, “I’m so bored
cause ‘Big Bird’ took away every ball...
One sigh...
two sighs...
three sighs...
make the count wanna bawl.
sesCount
Even Barney big purple dinosaur was at the feast
quite a lumpy, gregarious beast...
singing, “I love you, you love me,
we’re a great big family,
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
Even tho you’re not purple too...
Barney But, but...” purple Barney sputtered,
His gesticulation all a fluttered
“when I tried to kiss on the mouth that Big Bird geek
I got smacked with a big yellow beak
And 'Big Bird' just laughed...
So no more Mr. nice guy mild and meek...
thought I was gonna choke...
as disgusting feathers went down my throat
I’m not going to be Big Birds scapegoat...
That birds got to fry
Or I'll know the reason why...

I swear to you, it all went down that way
there’s really no nice way to say,
The cute, lovable characters from Sesame Street
That place where the air is forever sweet
Though it sounds quite absurd
They fricasseed big Bird.


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