MEDITATION

BY GARY JACOBSON

I sit and I ponder
Allured by the wonder
From lonely mountain cave bower
Gazing on far valley and yonder.

I think of joyous tribulations a present does hold
Wondering what will in the future unfold
Meditating hour upon hour
Under the spell of life sweet yet sour.

I am but a candle to the sun
Seeking reverentially the Holy One
Meditating on crop squares beneath
Somewhere between birth and death
The world a candlelit gallery
Anxieties puzzles of complexity...
Conundrums awash with perplexity...
Studiously considering a world filled with daydreaming
Where lie distortions of life's great meaning.

From the very heart I admonish,
My very being sleights of life rehash,
Silently whipping my vital core...
Offering fervent prayer seeking knowledge more
To fathom meanings why,
But no matter how hard I try,
Seeking
Searching
Charmed by supplications from the heart
That only make the heart cry.
I wonder why.

Is this all there is
From origins genesis?
Is this what life means?
In a world of darkened dreams.

Shall I live life wearing sack cloth and ashes
Fill life with stark anguishes?
Deluding the gullible in superstition that brainwashes.
Disavow possessions material
Reject all that makes life beneficial.
Poor to filthy rich superficial.

Or should I live a life contrary
Eat, drink and be merry
For tomorrow you die.
So why ask why?

Listen to people of divergent opinions decry
The sinner deprecate
The way you live your life depreciate...
In hue and shout
The devil in you route
Live our way or go straight to hell
Your soul down the river you'll sell...

Be ye meek and mild.
Not easily riled
God's message best heard with the innocence of a child
Soft with the purity of a dove
Peace distilled from courtyards above...
Do unto others
As you would have them do unto you.

Should I take a walk through life bolder
A chip ever on jaunty shoulder
Stepping proud and loud
In militant sanctimony
All the while spreading volatile acrimony
From boisterous to cantankerous
With the hand life's dealt you rancorous

After all, the best offense is a good defense,
Unite my brothers
Stick it to others,
Before they stick it to you.
Finitely alike are terrorist
Masochist
And saint
In the pursuit of their agenda feeling no restraint
Live religion with the terror of a machine gun
Hate the "great Satan," America's son.

From craggy escarpments
I ponder a thumbnail moon raiment's
Cascading cosmically yin and yang
Of man’s inhumanity to man bang...

What's wrong and what's right
People from every side willing for belief to fight
Brothers pitted against brothers
In pursuit of light.
Which is the chosen way true,
Will eternal blessings accrue?

In seeking in my life valid credence
Does He pomote blind obedience
Is this all the Greater Being has to submit?
I'm willing to the right life to commit,
Still I wonder?
Wishing to be fed I hunger...

My sins I would gladly remit...
Lay bare my soul
The whole ready to recommit.
Yet the heavens seem suddenly silent.
No one answers my plea
No, not the man from Galilee.
Does He wait there for me?

Grant a thirsting soul sustenance please.
My ahungered spirit with goodness appease,
Reward my grasping
For spiritual meaning
I'm offering heart and soul careening,
In wailing lament keening,
Prayers to the author sublime,
Exhaled to the winds of time.

I am so lost and alone,
Seeking He of the celestial throne
Mid Babel's confusion,
Filled with worldly disillusion.
Life out of rhyme,
Out of borrowed time
Out of step
Of answers bereft...
Expectations hollow unto death.

Give me answer I sigh,
From pits of hell to courts on high
As I both laugh and then cry,
Emotions eternally the same
Authority at blame
After all
Precipitous to the fall...

praying fervently for the Master's call.
Give the answer to eternity's all
I humbly seek,
In spirit humble and meek,
I beseech from deep in my soul
Searching diligently for life's goal.

Look deep into my eyes
Arise...
Deep into shimmering pool.
Reaching for perusal
Archaically forthright...
Morally upright...
For I am life's refugee
In this moment of meditative soliloquy
Praying...
Wondering...
Contemplating...
Whether to live...
Or whether to die...

For the life of me musing,
Life nothing more speculating
A murmuring drone dancer
Look not for the answer,
From an omnipotent life romancer
Whirling oblivious in heaven’s sky
Preoccupied with celestial matters on high,
Unaware of a son in mortal recesses
Burdened corporeal distresses.

What's the difference anyway?
Life goes inexorably on, anyway.
What is life's meaning?
What direction leaning?

What is my personal purpose
Mid life's mortal circus?
No longer able to take life’s backhand!
Won’t somebody give me a hand
Someone churchgoing
somebody...
Anybody...

Breath deep.
Let meditative comforts steep.
Breathe deep.
Breathe long
In harmonic song.
Breathe longer.
Breathe deeper,
Make me in this life stronger.
An auger foretelling peace
Precipitating failing heart will ease...

Please someone touch my heart
The divine in me impart...
With prophesied angel’s wing
Teach me how to sing.
I have worth.
In me lies futures birth.
I'm not a throw-away man.
Understand...
I have value.
If Thee will but with inspiration imbue,
Faltering faith restore...
Unlock the darkened door.

I know I can return to my heavenly home,
Foretold in the book of life tome.
I know there has to be more
To fill need's sore,
So won't You give me a hand?
Help me lord, to understand.
Make me to hear
The heavenly sound of music so dear.

Whisper of caring,
Eternal precepts sharing.
For I'm lost
In this world tempest tossed
Thirsting...
Hungering...
Feeling my once great testimony shrink
In the valley of the shadow grown succinct
So all alone
Willing for sin atone...
In loins of righteousness about me girded up
To rise from ashes corrupt
Wield the sword of truth without doubt
To sup of thine nectar to drown mortal drought.

I offer my soul to thee to own
Your chosen one...
A soul crying to be led.
Wanting but to be fed.
Smite mine languishing doubt
Grasp my hand reaching out...

I'm begging thee.
I need thee.
I implore thee.
I want thee.
Dost thou hear me?
Dost thou love me?
Dost thou care for me?
Lead me. Guide me. Walk beside me.
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I should know
to live with Thee someday.

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